Peter Van Houten (1814-1876) Writes to YOU

Excerpt from his journal (1845-1852).  Peter is sitting at the bedside of his dying wife, Alice.  This is one of their conversations over the 4-5 days before she dies.  He writes:

 "She wishes to know if I had any objection of her sending a present to each of her friends. I told her I had none whatever and whatever she wished for them to have I would either take myself or convey to them.  She seemed very much pleased and said my little testament--give to my mother and have written in it “presented to Rebecca White by her daughter Alice while on her death bed” with this prayer to be added: “Lord save my mother, Lord help my mother to meet her daughter in heaven. Galena, Delaware Co., Ohio, Oct. the eighteenth 1851.” Also one ready-made dress.  Give my bonnet and another dress to my sister Pollie. And another to my sister Harriet which is not made. And a fourth one which is not made to my sister Lucy. She said nothing about sending anything to Warren. She then spoke of little Mary, our only child living who was only three and a half years old, and said my silk apron, veil, parasol, and silver teaspoons, keep till she is grown up as they will not damage by keeping. [jwc: amazingly my Mom has these very teaspoons (shown in photo above).  No one knew whose initials they were until we read Peter's journal.  The initials are Alice's, A. E. V. H. ]  The thirty acres of land in Pennsylvania belongs to her also by heirship and if she should not live then I give it to you. She several times expressed a doubt of Mary living long and at one time said she is so subject to the croup that I think she will be with me by next spring. She remarked after a while, I suppose you will change your situation though I have said nothing to you about it. I exclaimed, “oh Alice, how can I give you up, how can I live without you?” She replied: “I suppose it will be hard, Peter, but nature has so constituted us that time will measurably heal the wound caused by the death of a friend. We conversed about two different individuals whose names it would not be proper here to mention, either of which would be suitable and desirable. I observed that my case would be a critical one as those whom I might desire and with whom I might be suited I could not obtain and those whom I might obtain would be neither suitable nor desirable. I once made a good choice with whom I was suited.  But never expect to be suited as well again. Whatever I have said or done that had a tendency to hurt your feelings, I heartily regret. it is the bitterest ingredient in the cup of my affliction. Home was a desirable place to me and never contented when absent I most fervently hope you will forgive all the past, she replied, “I do, with all my heart and I hope also you will forgive me.” I observed most cheerfully do I forgive.  Oh the solemnity of that hour conversing in the valley of death. Our feelings eternity alone can develop and I would here say to husbands, wives, parents, children, brothers and sisters, be kind and courteous, love as brethren and do good to each other as you have opportunity for the neglect of duty towards your friends and the doing or saying to them that which you ought not, though in themselves they may be of small importance for the time being comparatively speaking, yet they will be keep arrows in your hearts in that day when you are called to die or to stand by the side of a friend when bidding adieu to earth and its cares."